9En1 – Mr Dettman – Bad Review: Movie

Due: Monday, 2nd November 2015

Mark Kermode - UK Film Critic

Mark Kermode – UK Film Critic

  1. Take a look at at the comments below by my favourite movie-reviewer, Mark Kermode, and state which is your favourite and why.  Has the critic used any form of persuasive device?

Extension: If you can find a better sentence-long review by another critic, and post that.  Explain why you like this one even more!

  2.     Click on the following Document, then read a GOOD review, and the other two, short, BAD ones.  Pick a film you’d like to give a bad review to, and see if you can out-do Mark Kermode.  Afterwards, show how you’ve used three varied persuasive techniques.

Mark Kermode: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly CLICK HERE ——->>>> Mixed Reviews by Dr Mark Kermode

Mark Kermode’s One-liners:

Revolver
“If I was a GP and somebody walked into my surgery and pitched Revolver, I would reach for the medicine cabinet.”

The Da Vinci Code
“I would be surprised if a duller movie is released this year. I don’t care about the theological debate, I don’t care about the hoo-ha about whether it’s true, I don’t care about the defamation of certain sections of the church. I don’t care about any of that, just make the thing move forward, turn the light on and stop talking so much!”

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
“On the IMDb trivia page it says, ‘The most amazing thing about Pirates 3 is that they started filming without a completed script’. No, they finished filming without a completed script.”

Sex and the City
“It is a film which spends its entire running time shoving handbags down your throat and then has the gall to say at the end, ‘You know what? There’s more to life than handbags’.”

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
No words here… just 75 seconds of Kermode smashing his head against various objects in despair.

Bride Wars
“If there are ten films worse than Bride Wars this year, I quit… Everyone will tell you it’s a chick flick. Only in the sense that if you ground it up and fed it to battery hens it might be better served than running it through a projector.”

Sex and the City 2
“My expectations were low, and I have to say they were met. It’s ghastly.”

Fred: The Movie
Fred: The Movie is like being in a room with the sound of fingernails scraping down a blackboard… the most annoying thing about the Fred character is he screams and shrieks. He literally, literally, LITERALLY goes AARRGGHHH!!”

Keith Lemon: The Film
“The thing I can tell you definitively: there were six people in the audience, maybe seven, I think one of them went and didn’t come back. There was almost no laughter during the whole of the film.”

Media Extension: If you like Mark Kermode’s style, have a listen to some of his famous ‘rants’ on Youtube, and give his and Simon Mayo’s film review show a listen (Free via Podcast, using any app that plays podcasts.)  It’s the best film show around, and pretty entertaining – I can vouch for it; let me know what you think – I’ve had loads of converts that I’ve recommended it to!

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