11EN2 Home Learning due Monday 15th NAN

Give a narrative description of the picture. You could be an observer, someone who is in the picture or write it in third person.

You must include a sense and a simile.

You should use two senses, three different types of punctuation and a simile.

You could use three senses, four different types of punctuation, a simile and personification.

helping homeless

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6 thoughts on “11EN2 Home Learning due Monday 15th NAN

  1. Emily

    I sat here waiting for something good to come, (which I knew was too good to happen.) it got to rush hour and as the distressed workers stormed and stumbled past me without a blink they looked like swarms of wasps flashing before my very eyes. Then as I thought things were going to get worse- the last appeared, generous and thoughtfully looking into her purse poured out ever last bit of money onto the floor for me.

    Reply
    1. nicolaanslow Post author

      Great use of a simile and alliteration. Do you think you have missed any commas or semi-colons? Try not to repeat the word ‘good’.
      An excellently written piece.

      Reply
  2. Troy S

    As i sit here waiting for another day to pass, i could not help but realise how many people pass by without even considering my exsistance; apart from the occasional eye contact i can feel people glaring at me, thinking that i dont realise. I am sat here on the hard cold floor besides the manky wall of the 24/7 shop holding my cup up to passerbys and hoping that they are willing enough to give me change the air is sour and putrid and the city is loud and alive with cars honking and shouting if angry drivers, it is busy with people stampeding like a herd of gazzeles. As i look around, i see a woman walking up to me i am shocked as she dropped change into my cup. The £2 coin dove into my cup and as it hit the bottom i thanked her and waved goodbye as she blended in with the rest of the people

    Reply
    1. nicolaanslow Post author

      Some brilliant vocabulary. I love the personification and simile. Read through it, pausing only where you have put in punctuation. Could you include more commas?

      Reply
  3. Georgia Lumley

    I sat there; alone. Waiting for someone to come along and help me. All I could see was people rushing past in their suits to work and young people with shopping bags. I could smell food from down the street, I was starving. I heard people talking, laughing, whistling. Everyone’s so happy. Then there’s me, alone, on the side of a pavement as noticeable as an ant, with nothing.

    Reply
  4. nicolaanslow Post author

    Great simile and group of three. This really makes the reader empathise for the character. You have used the senses well. Could you have used more adjectives?

    Reply

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