Year 10 Heroes for Monday 3 Feb

Write up your ‘action’ part of your story, using Cormier’s techniques for creating tension:
1. Positive to negative emotions
2. cliffhanger at the end
3. someone important watching
4. Range of sentences
5. Using senses, especially sound
6. real life event to create authenticity
7. Single sentence paragraphs
8. shows instead of tells

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9 thoughts on “Year 10 Heroes for Monday 3 Feb

  1. Sarah M.P.

    Hearing the voices, repeatedly in my head from my mother’s exact words about my brothers brain tumour was more than worrying. I rushed downstairs, just wanting to stay in my bedroom and daring not to look back. Slamming the door shut behind me, I threw myself hard onto the pale carpet wishing the news that I was given wouldn’t last any longer. As my heart Began to beat harder and faster like a beating drum, my stomach clenched up. The sick feeling rose to my head. The sweat started to pour from my forehead.

    One by One, tears rolled down my face onto each cheek. Every tear that was trickling downwards, was as if my heart being torn apart piece by piece. I definitely knew my brother didn’t deserve this. Suddenly, I felt exhausted. The reason why I felt like this was probably because all my energy was absorbed by the emotions that I knew I had to let out. I softly lay my worn out body on the comfy carpet into a position the I knew that was perfectly right for me. Without any thought, it became clear that the only way to remove this strain on my stomach was to sleep it off. This situation is going to be dealt with tomorrow and I have to try and think of a way to solve this problem, and the only way to assist this complex issue is to stay positive.

    Reply
  2. Coral

    As I approached the house I saw the kids the playing hide and seak in the garden it was all happy feeling until I sore something in the corner of my eye it was a shadow of a person fall to the floor, I thought they where just playing around but the I heard Julie (the other care worker) run towards that shadow on the floor she was shouting ‘Roy, get up Roy!’
    As soon as I heard her say Roy’s name I dropped all my bags and ran I ran for my life.

    All I can remember from that day is the pain for Roy. Julie told me about Roy’s condition, he needed a kidney transplant he had been on the list for a few years now and the medication he takes sometimes makes him faint.

    If this was me I would want help. I was thinking of maybe being a kidney donna for Roy but I had never meat his dad or anything I had only meat him two times and I was thinking of giving him a kidney I was going mad!

    Reply
    1. dartmouthacademyeng Post author

      Great ideas, Coral and I really like your story, but can you check all your spelling and put in a few more full-stops 9at the end of each idea or piece of action)? ________________________________________

      Reply
  3. Annika

    He really wants to die! Why he doesn´t give life another chance? And am I the only reason?
    I think he is jealous.
    He knows that a lot of people call me hero. In the news stood and in the TV was said that I am the lifesaver. Not only in England. Also in Wales, Scotland even in Ireland they celebrate my action. And Jack, he has nothing. Maybe he wants to have success like me. I know how you feel when nobody gives you back hold and strength.

    I try not to tremble, suppress my fear. Then I start to say: “Jack, please stop this nonsense. You will reach nothing with that!”
    “You can´t tell me anything,” he says. “I want that you feel like me one time in your purple, lovely life.” ( Jack wants to kill hisself and Tobi, his brother, shall feel guilty)
    Now he slowly moves his right hand with te knife to his throat. An owl halloos somewhere deeper in the wood. Suddenly, I can´t longer blink back my emotions.
    I scream: “I want to help you! You don´t need to think that you are alone, I am there for you.”

    Reply
  4. ryan

    with the gangs closing in on me, it’s five against one. with only one mag of bullets I need to make my shots counts, I can hear them slowly creeping up on my, they can smell the my fear. I glance up to see where they are, it’s time to my move. I roll under the car shooting a round alerting the gang members, all of a sudden they open fire wrecking the car and now getting one bullet hole closer to killing me.
    now with out a car and only 6 bullets I have little room for mistakes, the adrenaline has passed and the fear has hit hard and I need to do something I pick up the gun and aim in through a bullet hole fire a random bullet and hear a loud gun fire I peak my head under the ruined car to see a man laid on the floor the feeling of killing someone had hit and the gunfire had restarted briefly I look once more to see them reloading standing up I slowly aim at and bang I’m back on the floor under gunfire with 4 bullets I muster up every once of my courage standing up I fired my last shots killing three out of four out of bullets I stand there awaiting my death, I was so petrified my body couldn’t do anything but stare. he wanted me to suffer first bullet to my broken leg, forcing me to my knees he steps forward aiming at my head he says “this is for my fallen brothers” and bang!

    Reply
  5. william cheong

    Suddenly I heard some voice like earthquake, then I i am very scared,so immediately I went very fast, But suddenly the zombies went out from somewhere.So I no need to went very fast, because anywhere all was zombies, then I wanted to killed himself, because I didn’t wanted to became a zombie.But Suddenly had a car to went very fast to want to me. Then had a old man said”william went to my car quickly.

    Reply
  6. Anna Florin

    We sat down on the chairs in the middle of the hall. Everyone was quiet. The other team was sitting at the opposite side of the table. They were the best of the best. I looked in their eyes. They were so full of hate. It was the debating final and everyone wanted to win, but only one team could win. And I knew it was not us. We were bad. We only came in the finals, because the other group was cheating. And every time I had to say something I forgot, what I had to say or I started stuttering. I was a looser, but this time I had to show, that I actually could do this!

    I heard a whistle blowing. The debating finals started. It was not our turn. The others were very good! When their first person had spoken everyone was impressed. But than it was Katys turn and I realised that we weren’t that bad. Katy was perfect. She didn’t shout, but her voice was hard.

    Than after everyone had said his part perfectly it was my turn. I decided if we would win. If I would impress the judges we had a chance to win, but if would be as bad as all the otger times we would loose. Everyone was looking at me. I concentrated on the text I had to say. And I started to speak. I started slow, but without stuttering. The text came over my lips faster and faster, until I stoped and everyony in the hall started to applaud. I got it! I didn’t forget my text and I didn’t stutter! But we didn’t win yet.

    We had to wait in the waiting room for 20 minutes. When we came back into the hall I could hear my heard beating! My hands were shaking. We sat down. The judges had to give points from 0 to 10. First they had to judge the other group. The first judge gave 10 points. The second one gave 10 points too! Oh my god! We would lose! My hands were wet and cold. The last judge gave 9 points. We had a last little chance. Katy took my hand. The first judge gave us 10 points the second judge gave us 10 points too! Now the last judge had to give us 10 points too and we would win! I was all quiet in the hall. No one made any noise. The last judge looked at us. “10 points” Everyone was screaming! We jumped up! I looked around. Everyone was happy, apart from the other team. But that was not my problem. We won! That was the best day of my life!

    Reply

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